Fear of getting hurt and fear of failure were crowding my will to move as seconds slipped by.

     Then suddenly I became angry at my own hesitation.  I had not come this far to give up now.  If I was going to fall flat on my face, so be it.

     I ran forward and dove over Sam, curled as I touched down on the mat, and rolled to my feet.

     Trying not to beam at my small victory I set my jaw and my determination.  Sam was setting up a bigger obstacle...

                                             *          *          *

     On the way back to Alan's office Sam described all of the things he would like to teach me: weapons, falls, pole vaulting off horses, etc.  I felt like a kid in a candy store, amazed and delighted by the variety of experiences placed before me.

     Sam knocked on the door to Alan's office and we stepped inside.  "She's got good form.  I can work with her," Sam stated, as if that closed the deal.

     Alan's tone was disinterested as he glanced up from his desk.  "We'll call you this afternoon," he flicked his hand in a wave that dismissed me from his office.

     Alan called later to say that they didn't have the money to hire anyone right then.  I suspected that he was lying, but I didn't argue.  The answer was, "No." End of story.

     I tried to swallow my disappointment, but it was difficult.  I wanted so much to work with Sam and learn new skills.  Damn!!!

     I wrote a quick letter to Sam thanking him for the time he spent training me that morning.  What happened between my audition and that phone call?  Perhaps I'll never know.
Journal # 9 Stunt Audition Continued